An Angel in a UPS Uniform

So...

Quick Update!

Most of you probably haven't even gotten a chance to read the blog that I posted yesterday ~ but guess what!! God works REALLY fast sometimes!!

I should of given up control weeks ago!

So last night Gigi and I are doing some cleaning when all of a sudden the doorbell rings around 7pm. My immediate reaction is ... 'Shit! This cannot be good.'

I'm thinking to myself - 'I swear if I get served one more time I'm going to blow off someone's head!' I open the door to see the tail lights of the UPS truck driving off. And I look down to see a package on my doorstep.

Again, still thinking... 'Great ~ wonder where this blow is coming from?'

I pick up the package and am trying to find the name of the law firm on the return address so I can assess how I need to brace myself.

When suddenly.... I have to study it for a moment to see if I'm seeing it correctly.
Yes! Yes I am! I see that it's from Level 3. In Colorado. With an HR department in the address!!!

I don't think I have ever ripped open a package faster!!

I pulled out a folder - Hallelujah!!! They don't send No Thank You letters in folders!!

I Scream like a little girl ~ I am so excited to see the offer letter and the entire package that they have sent me!! I seriously must have jumped up and down for joy ~ for at least a good 5 minutes!! Yelling and screaming ~ you would have thought I had won the lottery!!

My dog started jumping with me!! I don't think I have been this happy to recieve a job offering in my ENTIRE life!

I stop long enough to review the main details ~ it's all there. Everything we discussed!

Oh happy day! Oh happy, happy, HAPPY day!!
I swear if that UPS guy hadn't taken off so fast I would have kissed him!

Last night was the first night in about a year that I crawled in bed with peace.
And the first time in a very long time that I went to sleep excited about tomorrow.
And lastly ~ but certainly most importantly ~ I went to bed thankful that God had once again taken care of me. And I owe him everything.

Thank you God! for my angel in a brown UPS uniform - who has no idea that he delivered a life changing package last night. An envelope that has renewed my spirit, my hopes and most importantly my strength to stay focused!

Thank you to all my friends and family for your continued support and love! As I know that you all are just as excited and elated as I am!

And I promise to wait at least 6 months before complaining about my new job!!
Just kidding... hopefully!

Waiting to lose control...

So just to update everyone... Nothing has changed.

Unfortunately, I am serious - I have two jobs hanging in the air above my head.
One is a for sure deal - just waiting for the company to get their act together.
The other - is the job of my dreams in which I am in the final running for, but no decision has been made yet on who they are going to choose.
Either way, I believe it has been the longest 4 weeks of my life, and I am still a current and unwilling participant of the waiting game.

It is beginning to effect my psychie, my health and me in general.
I was talking to Carrie last night and she too was like "What is up with your life???"
And I said I have no idea, I think God has a twisted sense of humor, to which she agreed.
But I know that isn't the case.
I know he doesn't, I am secure enough in my relationship to know that he does EVERYTHING with a purpose.

So I am frantically trying to figure out what I am not doing right, or what am I missing?? Let's see....
- I have faith in him... Check
- I have faith in me.... Check
- I trust him.... Check
- I am open to him.... Check
- I have my priorities in order..... Check

Seriously??? What am I missing??

I mean I have learned to have patience but this is just asinine; and I'm worried that I am about to go mad.
I mean it - I'm not just saying that.

I am going through the motions, trying to lay low, trying to maintain for just a little longer, praying and hoping that the relief will come soon, because I am not sure how much longer I can hold it together.

I feel as though I am physically suffocating. I can't make any decisions, I can't make any plans. At this state I am living hand to mouth and it is complete torture. Something I am not accustomed to nor do I care to continue doing.

I am unable to even begin to describe the state of irritation that I am feeling right now. I could be on a beach with nothing but a cool breeze, the sound of the ocean and the perfect drink in hand, and I would still be irritated.

I'm trying desperately to carry on with my life. Hang out with friends, dating, taking care of my kids, keeping myself in motion. But the harder I try to keep going the more tired and exhausted I become.

I desperately want to yell out - I give up. I'm done.

But wait.... what if I do give up? What does that change?
And what relief would be provided if I give up?
What am I giving up? My strength?
Nope - none of that left.
My pride? (excuse me while I pick my self up off the floor from laughing so hard).
Silly - I have no pride left. Let's see...
My determination? Maybe... but determined in what?
Determined to get out of my situation - yes. But that's not what I would be giving up.
What would I be giving up - if I admitted outloud to God and everyone around me that "I.. Give... Up!"?

I don't know.
I would give up beating my head up against a wall? Perhaps....
I would give up being me? NO... I would give up the hope that I will make it out of the stituation I am in. No - that's not it.
Oh my gosh!!
I would give up control! Or trying to control.

I would give up the notion that I some how have control over this grand universe - not to mention controling the hiring practices of some forturne 500 company.
When in fact I do not!
I don't! I have no control over what happens to me.

Did I learn nothing from 2 years of therapy after my divorce?? The only thing I control is... ME. My reaction and my response to the world around me is all that I control. And like a child I am so anguished that things are not falling into place fast enough that I am beginning to act like a child. Which will not help me in the least bit!

All in due time... All in his time...


'As for God, His way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: He is a protector to all those that trust in Him.'
Psalm 18:30