Whispering to the Wind

It has been a long time since I last posted... This is both good and bad. But I am writing because I am hoping that this is sort of my publicly secret diary. I have a lot of things going on in my head right now. And I unfortunately have this habit of having to get things off my chest. Even when sometimes it is not appropriate or can hurt those I love.

So I remembered my blog... and thought. I don't have to tell anyone I'm blogging, but rather just begin posting my thoughts out there - getting them out of my head and putting them in to the wind. Sort of like telling your life secrets to that best friend for a week that you met at summer camp. You shared your deepest hopes and dreams, and then never saw one another again.

I have my favorite poem in my head and cannot get it out. It is by e e cummings. This poem touched me to the core the first time I ever heard it read a loud. It embodies the way I love those in my life. Obviously, I have not embarked on anything earth shattering since e e cummings wrote this back in the early part of the 20th century. But I can't help but feel, and have often been told, that like everything else about me I love in a very blunt and passionate way.

There is nothing passive about me... not in the way I talk or live or write. So it should not be surprising that when I fall in love with some one that there is nothing remotely apprehensive or timid about it. I know it. And when it happens I embrace it and I face it. And it becomes a part of who I am.

So e e cummings' poem - I carry your heart just seems to speak to me. And I wish I could read this poem out loud to the man who I think of everyday and - although he doesn't love in the same way I do - he is still amazing to me. And I hope one day he'll realize that...



i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)